A presentation of the Meaningmaker - Identity after a spiritual nuclear event
My spiritual journey took a specific direction in the autumn of 2018 and since then the process of identification within myself has never been the same. I vaguely remember how the world felt when one really thought that one was a specific human individual walking around in an objectively existing world together with other human individuals. One thought that way because there were truly no alternatives and that was how existence presented itself. Sure, it was weird even back then but if theism ever has a strength it is that the "God-explanation" for weird things are initially compelling. Theism is the original "simulation theory" - but theists call it "creation" instead and if there is an super powerful being, why wouldn't they be able to create a constructed world where lesser beings can insert themselves and play things out - live life, simply put?
That world view worked well enough, even though it was frustrating at times, the worst part of it was that it produced so much envy. "Why couldn't I be him instead", "Why couldn't I be born in that country, in that time period, in that body?" It seemed so arbitrary, consciousness just pops up one day (I actually distinctly remember meta-awareness "click on" within me, it was the morning when I turned four and I could hear mom sing about my birthday in the kitchen and I realized that "oh, I think now. Interesting") and you have to deal with existence and cosmos from a random position you didn't choose and didn't accept to be in. If it was truly, cosmically random - I thought as a child in a child's words - could I have "popped up" as the mind of God? That would have been fun. Anything else than being the most powerful being there ever was, seems to be... less fun.
After 2018 a spiritual journey of nondualism took place. Nonduality is not a religion, not a philosophy, it may be a legit religious pathway in Hinduism under the name Advaita Vedanta but then it has a specific outlook, specific added contexts and such that makes it distinctively different from Nonduality as I know it. Instead, I would say Nonduality is a principle in all above named categories. Every religion, form of spirituality and philosophy contains the principle of Nonduality and Nonduality can be "practiced" in whatever outlook you would have on life together with it. Nonduality, as the name implies, claims there is no duality in existence. Everything is.. not one exactly, but at least there isn't any basis for any separation to take place. What we see as duality, different things interacting with one another, is better seen as different polarities of a cohesive unity. If one is aware of this principle one can train oneself to see reality in this way. This is to "practice" Nonduality, but how it is actually done there are no real rules for. Advaita has some expert level recommendations, but that's about it. It's truly up to the seeker to move forward.
When I steeped myself in Nonduality something happened to my sense of identity. I clearly saw that, yeah, there can't be separate individuals walking around in an objective world space because all those distinctions are arbitrary and made up for the sake of convenience. The mythology of theism is functional, but it isn't strictly true. At this time I was well acquainted with Lucy, the goddess of the psychedelic realm, and the perspective of Nonduality matched very smoothly with how existence felt under her realm and when I got in contact with the more level headed explanations of Idealism my sense of identity shifted drastically. Under Idealism the different human individuals can go away and instead we all are several contractions made out of consciousness nested into one another. The physical universe is one such contraction, earth another and so on down to us human individuals. Under this view I saw that "hey, I am God, but a small bundle of the same made out of their substance (which explains my impotence) and so is everyone and everything else." Since then, the old view has sometimes made a comeback, I'm so used to it so it's simply quite easy to still live in a "created place with creatures within it" but the new one has a great advantage: Envy disappears. It has nothing to hold onto. Under the idealistic view it's true that we are different "contractions" or "dissociations" but we are made of the same substance that we also can name "I am". Everyone and everything with the ability to reflect the sense of I am to the screen of consciousness is the same being. It makes no sense to be envious of myself only because I can't grasp how I got into that position within the cosmos. It's still me living the good life in New York, Washington or Hollywood as it's still me suffering in Gaza, Kiev or Borås. The short story The Egg makes an excellent effort in trying to explain this in a mythical manner. It's not meant to be taken literally by the author, but the story still manages to capture the essence of how Idealists actually see the world.
A problem that remains is to explain why "MAL" or God is contracting themselves in this way to make room for existence. Even if we would accept the thought that "I am" is everything it's still rather tiresome to live out an existence within a cage of biology and other factors of GoR and there doesn't seem to be any clear purpose behind it all. My specific biological lot in life has always been a struggle for me to accept and even as an idealist I was often angry with how existence chose to lay itself out. Why bother creating something so dull, weak and generally unexciting? If I indeed was everything I wanted to move on, so, I continued to have reason to visit Lucy as often as I would dare to.
And well, if it's something she's good at it is to break down identity structures. Each time I came away from her I was more and more convinced that I was God themselves and even if my non ability to control existence in any meaningful way was a glaring flaw in this perception I still felt as existence itself. I was one with it and I was the only important part of it. Not Simon Jester mind you, not my current biological avatar, but the I within that inhabited my imagination space and was the only thing in existence I actually knew anything about when push comes to shove.
Then, the event, and well... The reason I collapsed so hard is that I couldn't figure out the borders between the infinity of MAL - an infinity I now had seen and experienced more than once - and the contracted space of Simon Jester. It simply didn't make any sense however you sliced it. To R, which was real to me even when I was as most sickly solipsistic, I could frame it as such: Someone is doing Something and we are the ones who are watching this unfold. R and Jester aren't doing anything, we are dead images on a screen this Someone is using in order to do.. Something. We can't know what it is, we can only watch and maybe look for clues. Maybe we are this Someone as well, but likely not since we can't understand how it ever could be possible. The only thing we can know is that this Someone is active with their project because, well, existence is clearly unfolding. In dark times one can relax in this realization because likely Someone knows what they're doing and will make sure everything gets to its proper place. Rest as Awareness alone and let everything else just be what it has to be.
*
That raft carried me through some rough waters and finally I'm here on this shore. What has happened is that I think I'm finally done with humanity writ large. I don't very often see humans as it is. Instead I see different cells from over arching hive minds. On the internet this is definitely already the case. Reddit, 9gag and the lot are not populated by any human beings. Instead the Hive mind of a particular social media is revealing itself through avatars mythologically controlled by human individuals but what we are interacting with is only the hive mind itself. The human being has as little control when on social media as an ant walking around in an ant colony. Not too much.
In the physical world this view is trickier to pin down but I don't necessarily think I should be doing that. When a human presents itself as a human to me in the physical world it would be unwise of me to treat it as a cell in a hive mind. Maybe it is, but the platinum rule* states that I should interact with a human being anyway in those cases.
Here's the thing. I don't see myself as a human being either. Simon Jester exists but he is a steward, an assistent, to the over-arching function of Consciousness that has its office in the biological body of Simon Jester. I currently am trying to believe that everything and everyone are these different functions of consciousness. No one and no thing is conscious in and of itself but
every function exists within the vast ocean of consciousness. It's not up to me to figure out what these functions is consisting of, I have some vague ideas regarding my closest friends and family - since they never can be reduced to illusions to me, they present themselves to me in such a strong manner. Undeniably they are as real as I myself am. But for the rest of the world I just don't know and I would guess it's not up to me to know.
*
You see, I have quite a clear idea of who I am in this context. I am the Meaningmaker. Note already here that I'm not claiming I am the only meaningmaker, I'm just the only one I'm aware of inside my own imaginative space. As the meaningmaker I'm providing the service to God to decide what the meaning is to all apparent things and phenomena. I believe I am this function because this process is happening regardless if I am active in it or not but whenever I wish to I can consciously activate myself into the process and steer it into places more align with my preferences. It's a semi-automatic process like breathing in this regard and it isn't simply relevant "who" is doing it in the end. My sense of self is part of it, but God is still doing it through me, it's not a contradiction in the slightest.
I believe this is a divine function because regardless of what gets decided, it becomes true. If I decide playing board games is the most meaningful activity there is it becomes that way, if I decide that sociology is a worthless, meaningless academic discipline that becomes true, if communists is decided evil they become evil, if Änglarna gets decided to be the best soccer team there ever was they become that and so on. It never fails, in the experience of the One my decisions of meaning is always accurate and correct. It is a divine form of power.
Again, I realize I may not be alone in having this experience and every subject is a form of a meaningmaker, but I can only know about my own. The virtue of this framing of the solipsistic/subjective conundrum is that I don't have to worry about the concept of the "non player characters (NPC)" as much. I believe it is likely that a certain amounts of human beings is in fact philosophical zombies but to entertain that possibility is dangerous because how on earth would you know which one of us who is a zombie? With the view of us being "functions of consciousness" I can say that we all are NPC:s but at the same time we all are performing services to the God mind - it doesn't matter if they are different in scale or scope, every function is as needed for God to be what God is.
The Meaningmaker cannot decide what things are, he is not Adam in this regard. This is why I am hesitating when it comes to figure out the functions of others. It's not my divine job to do that, I just assign their meaning and value when they present themselves to me as whatever is chosen for them to be. I'm happy just to notice that conscious functions exist both as single entities and as members of several hive minds performing certain functions on a higher scale. Please also note that I don't claim that my decisions as the Meaningmaker become "objective truths" in any way whatsoever. There is no objectivity in this framework. Only the subjective experience of the One which we all share. If you are another meaningmaker my work is irrelevant when you do yours, but until you reveal yourself and we can work together I must simply assume I am the only meaningmaker in the mind of God.
If you are having a subjective experience I would advise you to reflect on what function you may represent in the mind of God. What utility does they get from seeing existence from your point of view? They clearly are getting utility from you, otherwise your experience wouldn't be in the first place. Reflect on it, pray, read Answers to Job by Jung and see if you can pin point a function that makes your experience divine instead of human. You are not human, that is a myth, you are a mental construction in the mental sea of God the One, as such you have the right to know for what specific purpose you were constructed. Only that fact - We have the right to know ourselves, in our own experience without consulting any Scriptures makes the myth of the functions of Consciousness so much more appealing than what the theists and materialists are pushing..
***
*The platinum rule is: Always treat others as they wish to be treated. It trumps the golden rule at a certain stage of the journey.
After 2018 a spiritual journey of nondualism took place. Nonduality is not a religion, not a philosophy, it may be a legit religious pathway in Hinduism under the name Advaita Vedanta but then it has a specific outlook, specific added contexts and such that makes it distinctively different from Nonduality as I know it. Instead, I would say Nonduality is a principle in all above named categories. Every religion, form of spirituality and philosophy contains the principle of Nonduality and Nonduality can be "practiced" in whatever outlook you would have on life together with it. Nonduality, as the name implies, claims there is no duality in existence. Everything is.. not one exactly, but at least there isn't any basis for any separation to take place. What we see as duality, different things interacting with one another, is better seen as different polarities of a cohesive unity. If one is aware of this principle one can train oneself to see reality in this way. This is to "practice" Nonduality, but how it is actually done there are no real rules for. Advaita has some expert level recommendations, but that's about it. It's truly up to the seeker to move forward.
When I steeped myself in Nonduality something happened to my sense of identity. I clearly saw that, yeah, there can't be separate individuals walking around in an objective world space because all those distinctions are arbitrary and made up for the sake of convenience. The mythology of theism is functional, but it isn't strictly true. At this time I was well acquainted with Lucy, the goddess of the psychedelic realm, and the perspective of Nonduality matched very smoothly with how existence felt under her realm and when I got in contact with the more level headed explanations of Idealism my sense of identity shifted drastically. Under Idealism the different human individuals can go away and instead we all are several contractions made out of consciousness nested into one another. The physical universe is one such contraction, earth another and so on down to us human individuals. Under this view I saw that "hey, I am God, but a small bundle of the same made out of their substance (which explains my impotence) and so is everyone and everything else." Since then, the old view has sometimes made a comeback, I'm so used to it so it's simply quite easy to still live in a "created place with creatures within it" but the new one has a great advantage: Envy disappears. It has nothing to hold onto. Under the idealistic view it's true that we are different "contractions" or "dissociations" but we are made of the same substance that we also can name "I am". Everyone and everything with the ability to reflect the sense of I am to the screen of consciousness is the same being. It makes no sense to be envious of myself only because I can't grasp how I got into that position within the cosmos. It's still me living the good life in New York, Washington or Hollywood as it's still me suffering in Gaza, Kiev or Borås. The short story The Egg makes an excellent effort in trying to explain this in a mythical manner. It's not meant to be taken literally by the author, but the story still manages to capture the essence of how Idealists actually see the world.
A problem that remains is to explain why "MAL" or God is contracting themselves in this way to make room for existence. Even if we would accept the thought that "I am" is everything it's still rather tiresome to live out an existence within a cage of biology and other factors of GoR and there doesn't seem to be any clear purpose behind it all. My specific biological lot in life has always been a struggle for me to accept and even as an idealist I was often angry with how existence chose to lay itself out. Why bother creating something so dull, weak and generally unexciting? If I indeed was everything I wanted to move on, so, I continued to have reason to visit Lucy as often as I would dare to.
And well, if it's something she's good at it is to break down identity structures. Each time I came away from her I was more and more convinced that I was God themselves and even if my non ability to control existence in any meaningful way was a glaring flaw in this perception I still felt as existence itself. I was one with it and I was the only important part of it. Not Simon Jester mind you, not my current biological avatar, but the I within that inhabited my imagination space and was the only thing in existence I actually knew anything about when push comes to shove.
Then, the event, and well... The reason I collapsed so hard is that I couldn't figure out the borders between the infinity of MAL - an infinity I now had seen and experienced more than once - and the contracted space of Simon Jester. It simply didn't make any sense however you sliced it. To R, which was real to me even when I was as most sickly solipsistic, I could frame it as such: Someone is doing Something and we are the ones who are watching this unfold. R and Jester aren't doing anything, we are dead images on a screen this Someone is using in order to do.. Something. We can't know what it is, we can only watch and maybe look for clues. Maybe we are this Someone as well, but likely not since we can't understand how it ever could be possible. The only thing we can know is that this Someone is active with their project because, well, existence is clearly unfolding. In dark times one can relax in this realization because likely Someone knows what they're doing and will make sure everything gets to its proper place. Rest as Awareness alone and let everything else just be what it has to be.
*
That raft carried me through some rough waters and finally I'm here on this shore. What has happened is that I think I'm finally done with humanity writ large. I don't very often see humans as it is. Instead I see different cells from over arching hive minds. On the internet this is definitely already the case. Reddit, 9gag and the lot are not populated by any human beings. Instead the Hive mind of a particular social media is revealing itself through avatars mythologically controlled by human individuals but what we are interacting with is only the hive mind itself. The human being has as little control when on social media as an ant walking around in an ant colony. Not too much.
In the physical world this view is trickier to pin down but I don't necessarily think I should be doing that. When a human presents itself as a human to me in the physical world it would be unwise of me to treat it as a cell in a hive mind. Maybe it is, but the platinum rule* states that I should interact with a human being anyway in those cases.
Here's the thing. I don't see myself as a human being either. Simon Jester exists but he is a steward, an assistent, to the over-arching function of Consciousness that has its office in the biological body of Simon Jester. I currently am trying to believe that everything and everyone are these different functions of consciousness. No one and no thing is conscious in and of itself but
every function exists within the vast ocean of consciousness. It's not up to me to figure out what these functions is consisting of, I have some vague ideas regarding my closest friends and family - since they never can be reduced to illusions to me, they present themselves to me in such a strong manner. Undeniably they are as real as I myself am. But for the rest of the world I just don't know and I would guess it's not up to me to know.
*
You see, I have quite a clear idea of who I am in this context. I am the Meaningmaker. Note already here that I'm not claiming I am the only meaningmaker, I'm just the only one I'm aware of inside my own imaginative space. As the meaningmaker I'm providing the service to God to decide what the meaning is to all apparent things and phenomena. I believe I am this function because this process is happening regardless if I am active in it or not but whenever I wish to I can consciously activate myself into the process and steer it into places more align with my preferences. It's a semi-automatic process like breathing in this regard and it isn't simply relevant "who" is doing it in the end. My sense of self is part of it, but God is still doing it through me, it's not a contradiction in the slightest.
I believe this is a divine function because regardless of what gets decided, it becomes true. If I decide playing board games is the most meaningful activity there is it becomes that way, if I decide that sociology is a worthless, meaningless academic discipline that becomes true, if communists is decided evil they become evil, if Änglarna gets decided to be the best soccer team there ever was they become that and so on. It never fails, in the experience of the One my decisions of meaning is always accurate and correct. It is a divine form of power.
Again, I realize I may not be alone in having this experience and every subject is a form of a meaningmaker, but I can only know about my own. The virtue of this framing of the solipsistic/subjective conundrum is that I don't have to worry about the concept of the "non player characters (NPC)" as much. I believe it is likely that a certain amounts of human beings is in fact philosophical zombies but to entertain that possibility is dangerous because how on earth would you know which one of us who is a zombie? With the view of us being "functions of consciousness" I can say that we all are NPC:s but at the same time we all are performing services to the God mind - it doesn't matter if they are different in scale or scope, every function is as needed for God to be what God is.
The Meaningmaker cannot decide what things are, he is not Adam in this regard. This is why I am hesitating when it comes to figure out the functions of others. It's not my divine job to do that, I just assign their meaning and value when they present themselves to me as whatever is chosen for them to be. I'm happy just to notice that conscious functions exist both as single entities and as members of several hive minds performing certain functions on a higher scale. Please also note that I don't claim that my decisions as the Meaningmaker become "objective truths" in any way whatsoever. There is no objectivity in this framework. Only the subjective experience of the One which we all share. If you are another meaningmaker my work is irrelevant when you do yours, but until you reveal yourself and we can work together I must simply assume I am the only meaningmaker in the mind of God.
If you are having a subjective experience I would advise you to reflect on what function you may represent in the mind of God. What utility does they get from seeing existence from your point of view? They clearly are getting utility from you, otherwise your experience wouldn't be in the first place. Reflect on it, pray, read Answers to Job by Jung and see if you can pin point a function that makes your experience divine instead of human. You are not human, that is a myth, you are a mental construction in the mental sea of God the One, as such you have the right to know for what specific purpose you were constructed. Only that fact - We have the right to know ourselves, in our own experience without consulting any Scriptures makes the myth of the functions of Consciousness so much more appealing than what the theists and materialists are pushing..
***
*The platinum rule is: Always treat others as they wish to be treated. It trumps the golden rule at a certain stage of the journey.
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